If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
