No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
