My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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