And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
