Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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