If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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