i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
