When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
