She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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