omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
