I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
