I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
