you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
