where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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