apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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