never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize
