Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
