I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
