you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
