he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Four minutes until I can fart!
the day after is always just damage control
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize