Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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