I didn't shave. On purpose
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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