Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
