Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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