oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
