I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
