you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Watching her eat just hurts me
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
