I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
