I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
