Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
