How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
