careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
