oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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