new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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