I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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