when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize