I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
