I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
