Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize