dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
