So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
