So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
