I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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