I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
