we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
