I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
