yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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