Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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