Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
