Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
