That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i already hear my dad disowning me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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