She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
