textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
