This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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