So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize