Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Send help, water and tortillas.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
