I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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