Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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