Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
