They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
