I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
she woke up with a sticky ear
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
