2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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