Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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