just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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