We won't sleep together?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
