It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
