There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize