Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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