You smell like stripper and shame
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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