Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
