how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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