White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize