I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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