You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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