i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't deserve a penis
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
